


Contemplations

by Pathogenocide



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-31
Updated: 2015-07-31
Packaged: 2018-04-12 04:36:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4465679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pathogenocide/pseuds/Pathogenocide
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a gift to GreenJudy. I love all your ideas for fanfics and I hope to complete all your requests. : ) Thank you so much for your requests! I also want to thank FF7 Central for making this event possible. Special thanks to all FFVII fan artists and fanfic writers! It’s your marvelous work that made this possible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Contemplations

**Author's Note:**

  * For [greenjudy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenjudy/gifts).



A pale yellow glow creeps in from the East. Shades of reds and purples splash over the blue sky and the stars fade from the rosy morning light. These stars that shimmer in the sky hours ago was Cloud’s company. The stars will return again, but they won’t be with him now. He smiles, though it’s slight and he suppresses a laugh. He traveled all night and it didn’t feel it was that long. In a way, it’s funny, yet saddening. Cloud Strife is tired, very much so, but not just from lack of sleep. Aside from the roars and rumbling of Fenrir, silence is the only tune he’s known for so long. 

A soft breeze rolls along the tall grass, causing green waves to peak and fall to the distance. Purple mountains stand regally along the horizon, though they are miniature in Cloud’s eyes. Flowers in vibrant hues, from red to yellow, blue, and violet dot the plains before him. 

“Hard to believe they would exist here.” Cloud murmurs under his breath. Not long ago, wildflowers were very hard to find. There’s something about the stillness in the air and he dares not disturb the peace. 

_Peace._

That word alone seems strange. Cloud turns this very word in his mind. His faint smile further fades from the thought of it. Peace is not something he is familiar with. The grim days are long past now. It’s been how many years now? Cloud thought to himself while staring far into the distance. It must be about six years now. Damn, it’s been a long time and yet…It still feels like it was only yesterday. 

He hoped for everything to be better. He remembers Tifa being upset with him when he grieved, even when stricken with Geostigma. Those days are gone too. It seems that everything was going to be okay and it was. That is, it was for a while. Old habits die hard and he was never free from the shackles of guilt. So much changed since then. Barret returned to Edge from his journey just a few months after Sephiroth. Marlene has never been happier to see him again. He remains close to Seventh Heaven ever since, but it’s been quieter during the night now that Marlene leaves with her father when the bar closes. Maybe she goes back to Seventh Heaven more frequently now. Cloud doesn’t really know. Denzel was getting older and seems pretty happy in Seventh Heaven. It’s been too long since Cloud even said good morning to him. Ever since he left two months ago, Cloud never sent a single text message, no phone calls and not even one letter. He hardly remembers what everyone is up to. 

Cloud was always a loner. He hardly recalls what Denzel’s favorite song was and what colors Marlene liked. He doesn’t remember what Reno said a week before he left. He doesn’t remember every birthday, numbers or the smiles of loved ones. Mako poisoning caused more damage than Cloud thought. He remembers one thing though. He remembers how upset Tifa was with him at a dark time. It was when Sephiroth returned and Geostigma plagued the Planet and claimed souls left and right. Tifa would be mad at him now for being so far away and not keeping in touch. 

It didn’t seem fair. Barret didn’t receive as much grief as Cloud did when he left. Tifa never wanted him to go, but he had to. Cloud needed to. He needs space to sort things out. Thoughts grew and coil to form a mass that the blond couldn’t distinguish. Emotions towered high around him and he wanted to get away. Far away from the worries of the healing world and the stress of his life. Cloud didn’t face his friends to say goodbye. When he rode Fenrir in the dark of night, he left one note behind. That was the only explanation his friends ever got and as far as they know, the last words they received from him. 

He wants change. Change of scenery, change in the faces he sees, and change from suppressed emotions that imprisoned him. Cloud sighs and watches the grass wave forward and back. Wind is free to roam and free of fears, sadness, and all the cares in the world. The sun’s color gradually changes while it climbs the sky. There’s so much space all around. It’s open, limitless. Nothing compared to the claustrophobic cities like Edge that continues to expand and grow. Everything is so foreign now: the vibrancy of life flourishing around Cloud is not like the world he was used to. Gray skies poisoned with filth and smog, and the decay among parched, infertile earth was the world he came from. Now it’s nothing he is used to. 

“Everything is changing, yet I’m the same.” Cloud settles down by the grass with his back against the green hill. Everything is different, there’s changes everywhere and in everyone. But he is still the same. Cloud pieces together his memories and meditates on what happened before and what could have been.  
_Forgive and forget. You’ve been forgiven long ago._

_Why?_

Cloud’s blue eyes focus on the sky above. It’s open without the flurry of clouds. That too will change as the day progresses when the sun sits higher in the sky with clouds billowing and slowly drifting over the world below. 

_Why can’t you forgive yourself? Why can’t you move on?_

_Why can’t you change?_

There’s a moment pause from the breeze. The grass stand straight and tall.  
Your friends miss you. You know you deserve happiness. That’s not new to Cloud, but that is easier said than done.  
The air is still.  
Silence. 

_Why can’t you change?_

That is one question that Cloud Strife still can’t answer to this day. How he envies the sky that changes and moves on during the days and nights with ease. How the world changes seasons, moving on from years past. Flowers bloom with no guilt of what it reaps from the Planet. Animals roam far and wide with no recollection of desperate times. Even the people changed and went on with their lives. Everything moves forward. Only Cloud alone stands still. 

Unmoving, heavy with his sins, alone. 

Cloud closes his eyes as exhaustion finally catches up to him. There’s no danger and no reason to hurry. A short nap wouldn’t hurt.  
“I don’t know why I can’t change…I want to be better.” The days of forcing a smile on his face when the children looked at him, the times when he tried so hard to pretend nothing was wrong in front of Tifa. None of it helped. It never did. 

He wants to remember of happier times. If only Cloud could remember the laughter shared among friends and feel he belongs with them. He can’t remember any of that. “I want to be better,” Cloud murmurs under his breath, “but I don’t know how…” 

He allows sleep to take him. In his dreams, his thoughts are his company. Even in sleep, he continues his contemplations for forgiveness, memory, and change.


End file.
